Irrelevant
by YourChickenMan
Summary: Hidan asks what Kakuzu believes happens after death. Kakuzu refuses to answer. KakuHidan. Twoshot
1. Chapter 1

"Oi, Kakuzu."

"What is it Hidan?"

"What do you believe happens after we die?"

The two shinobi were seated under the branches of a two tall trees. It was well past midnight, the sky was filled with milky stars and the air a chill breeze. Kakuzu chose to remain silent, turning towards his silver-haired companion who had leaned up against another tree a few feet away.

"Don't you have scriptures to answer those kinds of questions?" The man sighed, closing his odd-coloured eyes and leaning back against his own tree. It was late, and he wished to get some sleep before the next day's journey.

"Tsk! Of course I know what happens after heathens like you are killed!" Hidan spat. "I was just wondering what the hell you believe in! ... If anything." His face was now fixed in a scowl.

"Just shut up and go to sleep Hidan." Was the stitched man's only answer. Hidan continued to grumble for a few more minutes, before realizing he could no longer get response out of Kakuzu. With that in mind he finally resigned himself to getting some sleep.

It wasn't until the two of them were well into their journey the next morning that Hidan brought up the topic again. The duo was in the forest still, but the trees had started thinning out. Kakuzu lead the way, metal briefcase in hand, while Hidan trailed not far behind. The Jashinist had his hands behind his head, and was leaning back casually when he spoke.

"Oi Oi, Kakuzu" he started, already grating on said man's nerves. "You never answered my question."

"What are you talking about?"

"Last night remember? I asked what you believe happens after you die."

"And you _care _about my opinion?"

"UGH, no! I don't care about your fucking opinion, I was just curious!" Hidan continued to glare at Kakuzu's back.

"Well, I can tell you that the one thing I surely don't believe in is your pathetic Jashin." Hidan almost exploded at this remark. "But even if I end up in some version of Hell, the Devil still needs accountants."

"You are such a heathen!" Hidan started yelling. "No God has any need for money, greed is a sin against Jashin!"

"If greed is such a sin, then why hasn't Jashin struck me down?"

"You fool! Jashin has no need to deal with such petty things, that's what his disciples are for!"

"Oh?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow but didn't otherwise change his movements. "Then why haven't _you _smited me?" The posed question stopped Hidan in his tracks. Realizing the shorter man wasn't following him Kakuzu stopped as well, turning to look over his shoulder. Hidan's face was expressionless. "Starting to neglect your holy duties Hidan?"

The sentence made Hidan snap, rage returning to his face he grabbed his three-bladed scythe and swung it at the masked man. Kakuzu had of course anticipated the attack, knowing how temperamental Hidan could be at the slightest provocation. He blocked the blades with a hardened forearm, and used it to throw Hidan backwards onto the ground without any obvious effort.

"Stop being an idiot, we have a mission to fulfill." Kakuzu turned around and continued down the path. It was a few seconds before Hidan picked himself up and dusted off. He followed farther behind Kakuzu now, cursing quietly to himself.

Hidan was never good at giving the silent treatment, and it wasn't long until the pair found themselves on a rocky path with Hidan whining loudly, much to Kakuzu's displeasure.

"I'm starving Kakuzu! When are we going to stop for food?"

"There is a town just down this path we will pick up something there." Hidan grinned, his growling stomach would soon be fed.

Kakuzu hadn't lied about the distance, and soon the two were walking through a small, bustling town. Hidan walked with a bounce in his step, he could smell a mixture of barbecue and ramen in the air. Saliva started pooling in his mouthas he thought of what lunch might be, grilled fish? A noodle dish? Spare ribs? Hidan jolted from his thoughts when he almost bumped into Kakuzu, who had suddenly stopped in front of a kart in the middle of the road.

"Nnn?" Hidan groaned slightly, raising an eyebrow and moving to look around Kakuzu. It was a food cart, and Kakuzu seemed to be buying... pre-made bento boxes? "K-Kakuzu you aren't serious are you?" Hidan grimaced as his partner finished paying the man and grabbed the bag with two small boxes inside. As quickly as the town had sprung up it was left in the dust. Once the traffic on the road had died down Kakuzu reached inside the bag and pulled out one of the bento boxes, which he held out to the now-scowling Jashinist. He ripped of the box's lid and nearly gagged when he saw the contents. The meal consisted of nothing more than plain rice and pickled vegetables.

"Kakuzu this is so... bland"

"You haven't even tried it." Was the man's response. He had opened his own bento and started to eat. Hidan continued to grumble, but resigned himself to the boring bento.

They continued down the road until it became a trail, winding slowly through the trees. The path eventually became a clearing, which edged on a river. Hidan grinned, stripping off his cloak and running to the water. He placed the article of clothing with his scythe on the ground next to him, and plunged his hands into the clear water. As the Jashinist began to wash his face, Kakuzu sat on a nearby rock and started rifling through his briefcase. The two went about their activities in silence for a few minutes, until Hidan thought he heard something. He raised his head and squinted a the forest. "Some sort of animal?" He thought to himself. A moment later he heard a twig snap.

"Kakuzu..." Hidan said in a low tone, hovering his hand over the resting scythe.

"I know."

A split second later a shower of shuriken darted down from the trees. Kakuzu jumped out of the firing line and into the trees, Hidan deflected those aimed at him with an arching swing of his scythe.

"Alright fuckers show yourselves!" Hidan screamed at the trees.

Realizing their surprise attack had failed, 4 shinobi emerged from the trees. Judging by their lack of headbands they were likely missing-nin.

"What do you want?" Kakuzu growled, barely contained anger lacing his voice.

"You are Kakuzu of the Akatsuki." The statement came from a blond-haired man who was presumably the leader of the group. "We are here to take the money collected from your last bounty." Kakuzu made a noise as close to a laugh as he was likely able to produce, and addressed the would-be thieves.

"You do realize that you could have found and killed your own bounty, instead of taking on two S-rank ninja?"

"Tsk. Yes, but we don't actually need to _defeat_ you." The leader stated with a laugh. At that moment Kakuzu felt a presence behind him. Without so much as a flick of the wrist he sent two threads from under his cloak to deal with the threat. In two seconds flat he heard the satisfying poof of a destroyed shadow clone.

"I really hope you have a better strategy than that." Kakuzu mocked. The leader's eyes narrowed, and he looked back at his team before nodding shortly. The onslaught of jutsu was almost immediate. The leader and two others surrounded Kakuzu, who hardened his body to resist the sudden barrage. Hidan only had to face a single ninja, who was doing his best to keep Hidan away from his partner. Knowing the stitched man would be just fine, Hidan focused on the enemy in front of him.

"Stealing money, how utterly blasphemous." He licked his lips. "I'll have to send you to Jashin-sama for punishment!" He let his scythe loose, throwing it at the missing-nin. He dodged, but was nearly caught when Hidan flicked the cord to pull the scythe back in an arch. The enemy ninja was quickly on the defensive, jumping, dodging, and deflecting Hidan's attacks to the best of his ability. The silver haired man cackled, he enjoyed tormenting his prey. The man was weak, and soon enough Hidan drew blood. As the Jashinist prepared to start the ceremony, he stole a quick glance in his partner's direction. What he saw was not what he expected. The stitched man seemed to be struggling, under the constant barrage of attacks from 3 enemies and their shadow clones Kakuzu had been unable to release his masks. Strings shot out in every direction, catching a kunai here, destroying a shadow clone there, and he was obviously having a hard time keeping track of the enemies. Suddenly, Hidan spotted that the original leader had hidden himself in a tree behind the stitched man, and produced a scroll from the pouch on his hip. An uneasy feeling settled itself in the pit if Hidan's stomach.

"Kakuzu!" He called out, dodging an attack aimed at his head. The masked man didn't respond, Hidan was unsure if he hadn't heard, or was just too caught up in the fight to respond. The leader waved some handsigns, and Hidan threw his scythe just in time to block the barrage of weapons that appeared from the smoke. The scythe embedded itself in a tree, and the Jashinist kept one hand on the cord while delivering a roundhouse kick to the face of his own attacker. The leader was not so easily stopped, and soon he produced a second scroll from the same pouch.

"Shit." Hidan cursed under his breath. What the hell was Kakuzu doing? He stole another glance at his partner. Things were only getting worse, they had somehow managed to immobilize his body and he was only able to stop attacks thanks to the use of his strings.

The missing nin's leader was making hand signs again, Kakuzu showed no signs of recognizing the threat, and Hidan new he had a split second to decide what to do. With a sharp intake of breath Hidan switched his scythe's cord to retract, and let it pull him across the clearing in less than a second, scraping to a halt behind his partner just as a cloud of smoke appeared from the scroll.

Hidan was the slowest member of the Akatsuki, and he wondered briefly if someone else could have handled this better as a pike stabbed into his back.

"Grk!" The sound tore out of the silver-haired man's throat, the impact of the weapon causing him to stumble into Kakuzu's back. "D-damnit! Ah.. AUGH!" The pike wasn't stopping, something was pushing it into him. It pressed and cracked his ribs, and slowly drilled it's way into his heart. Blood gurgled up the Jashinist's throat, and was unceremoniously coughed up onto the back of Kakuzu's robe. It still didn't stop, and Hidan realized with start that it would go right through him and hit the stitched man regardless. He made a face as the pike started to break through the front of his chest, more blood making it's way up his throat and dribbling down his chin.

"RrrrrrrraaaaAAAAUUUUGH!" In a miraculous feat, Hidan threw out his hand as the pike passed through his body, and caught it just as the tip poked a hole in his partners cloak. His arm shook with the effort of holding the blood-slicked weapon his place. "Hhh... Gah!.. Th-thank Jashin." He whispered as his vision began to swim. The whole ordeal had taken only a few seconds, and Kakuzu finally seemed to understand what was going on.

"Hidan!"

"Is that... concern in his voice?" The Jashinist wondered bemusedly as his consciousness started to fade. The support of the masked man's back was suddenly gone, and Hidan collapsed into a puddle of his own blood. He vaguely heard the sound of destroyed shadow clones before fading into unconsciousness.

**A/N: There will be either one or two chapters after this depending on what balances better. Please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Hidan was aware of was a dull ache in his chest. Slowly his awareness spread, and he could feel coarse grass under his fingertips. The Jashinist pried his eyes open and stared at the leafy treetops above him. The previous events suddenly came back to him, and his hand flew to where the pike has pierced his chest. He let out a slow breath when he felt nothing but thick stitches, likely the result of his partner.

"Kakuzu..." Hidan mumbled, turning his head to the side to search for the masked man. It didn't take long to find him, leaned up against a tree reading what seemed to be a map.

"Took you long enough." He said, folding the map. "I was about continue without you."

"Tch." Was Hidan's only response, pulling himself into a sitting position, then slowly rising to his feet.

"I didn't realize you could even pass out from blood loss." Kakuzu mused.

"It doesn't happen often." Hidan grumbled, stretching his back until it cracked. The Jashinist took a moment to study his partner. He noticed that a ridiculous amount of blood was soaked into his cloak. "The Hell happened to you?" The masked man stared at him for a moment.

"You did." Hidan raised an eyebrow, suddenly remembering bleeding all over Kakuzu's back.

"Oh yeah, I guess you owe me one."

"Hm? What makes you think that?"

"I saved your life!" Hidan scoffed.

"Not really."

"How so!?"

"I would have only lost one heart at most from that attack, if any. That hardly could have killed me." Hidan was slightly taken aback by that, he wanted to yell something at the miser but what he said was true. The silver haired man's rage deflated, and he focused on reattaching his scythe's cable to his hip. Kakuzu had put away the map and picked up his briefcase, returning to the road before Hidan had even picked up his scythe.

"Damnit." The Jashinist cursed, speeding up his recovery and dashing down the road after Kakuzu.

Hidan was quiet while he and Kakuzu continued their journey, mostly out of embarrassment. The stitched man usually called Hidan an idiot, but this was the first time he had ever felt like one. What Kakuzu had said was true, there was no need for Hidan to have impaled himself just to save one of Kakuzu's hearts, so why had he done it? He wasn't really sure. Part of him wanted to say it was just an impulse, he'd had a split second to make a decision and that wasn't enough time to make the best one. Another part of him then asked why it was his first instinct to go all the way across the battlefield and get impaled? But hadn't he done the more logical thing? After all, Kakuzu was stronger than him, and could repair Hidan at any time, he was expendable. Why then was Kakuzu acting like he had done something stupid? Hidan shook his head. What was he doing thinking Kakuzu was more important anyway?

"Maybe I really am just an idiot." He thought to himself, running a hand through his silver hair.

They continued to walk in silence, and slowly the sun started to set. It was just barely touching the horizon when they reached another town, larger than the last.

"Oi Kakuzu, we going to stay at a hotel tonight?" Hidan asked, previous embarrassment forgotten.

"Yeah. I need to wash the blood off of this cloak if we don't want to seem overly suspicious."

"Right." Hidan chuckled. "I guess that would turn some heads." Speaking of which a few people in the street had stopped to stare at them as they passes by.

"The sooner the better." Kakuzu mumbled.

The pair stopped at a relatively decent looking inn, but not one so nice they would be turned away for their bloodied attire. The stitched man picked up the room keys and they walked up the stairs to the second floor. Kakuzu unlocked the door and the Jashinist ran into the room, dropping his scythe and flopping onto the farther of the two single beds.

"Nnnn, this mattress is actually soft." Hidan cooed, burying his face in the fresh smelling sheets.

"Hand me your cloak, you are going to get the bed dirty." Kakuzu growled.

"Fine fine..." The silver haired man groaned, shucking off the cloak and throwing it at his partner. He caught it with ease and retreated to the bathroom. Hidan listened to the sound of running water while leaving his face pressed into the pillow, he figured Kakuzu would try to wash out the majority of the blood in the tub. The Jashinist was about to doze off when the masked man returned.

"The cloaks should be dry by tomorrow morning, you should wash up too."

"Alright." Hidan didn't bother arguing, he felt pretty gross with the dried blood still left on his skin. Kakuzu eased himself onto the other bed while Hidan walked into the bathroom. He closed the door and turned the tap on the sink. There was no need for a full shower, so he grabbed a washcloth from the rack above the toilet and used it to scrub the blood off his chin and chest. Most of it had dried and flaked off during their walk, but it felt good to be rid of the last little bit. After wiping his armpits for good measure, Hidan patted himself dry with a fluffy towel and returned to the main room.

"Ready to go?" Kakuzu asked, he wore one of the hotel robes over his shoulders to hide his masks and stitches.

"Hmm? Yeah... Where we going?"

"To get food."

"Oh yeah." As if on cue, Hidan's stomach growled. "Haaaa... That lunch wasn't much."

"Nn." Kakuzu grunted, and the two headed out of the hotel.

It was evening now, and the sun was setting behind the town. The streets were filled and shops were bustling with all the people who had finished their day-jobs and were ready for a night out on the town.

"I wouldn't have expected such a small town to be so lively..." The Jashinist mumbled mostly to himself. They tried to avoid the worst of the crowd by sticking to the side of the buildings. A couple blocks down they stopped at a relatively nice looking restaurant, or at least compared to where they usually stopped. The immortal duo stepped through the entryway and were greeted by a short, mousey looking waitress.

"Hello! For two?" Kakuzu nodded. "Table or booth?"

"Booth, please."

"Right this way." Despite the crowd outside the restaurant wasn't too full, and they were seated in a booth in the far corner.

"I gotta take a piss." Hidan groaned, looking around for the washroom.

"Didn't you go before we left?"

"I didn't have to go then, dumbass! What are you my mom?"

"Just go." Kakuzu growled, picking up the menu the waitress left.

"Tch." The silver haired man turned around and started wandering. It didn't take him long to find the washroom, but there was only one stall, and it was occupied. Hidan leaned against the wall and started tapping his foot. After five minutes he was ready to kick in the door in and strangle whoever was in there, but he decided it wasn't worth whatever he would see. After ten minutes the stall finely opened and an embarrassed looking man stepped out. Hidan shot him a nasty glare before entering the stall.

When Hidan returned the menus were gone and glasses of water had taken their place. Hidan's heart sunk.

"Kakuzuuuuuu, please tell me you didn't order for meeee."

"I had no choice, you were gone ten minutes."

"It's not like I was taking a shit! There was some gross old man hogging the fucking washroom, I would have sacrificed him to Jashin but then they would probably kick us out and I'm hungryyyy." Hidan continued whining while they waited for food, with Kakuzu being unusually tolerant through all of it. The Jashinist was slurping at the glass of ice water when the waitress brought Kakuzu's meal. It was a simple rice dish.

"Your meal will be only a few more minutes sir." The waitress apologized to Hidan before leaving. He just stared blankly at Kakuzu's boring and cheap-looking meal, knowing the same was in store for him. The stitched man lowered his mask and started eating. Hidan stared at him with glazed eyes, still sucking down the water like it was his job. Eventually Kakuzu noticed the Jashinist's gaze and fixed him with a look of his own

"What are you looking at?" He growled.

"Nothin'." Hidan mumbled into his glass, causing a strange echoing noise. The miser's odd-coloured eyes narrowed, and he looked about ready to hit his partner if it wasn't for the waitress's interruption.

"Sorry for the wait!" She said cheerily, lowering a rather large plate in front of the Jashinist. Hidan would have continued to stare blankly ahead of himself if not for the delicious aroma that wafted into his nose. He slammed his glass down on the table and almost fell over when he saw what the waitress had brought.

"T-this... These are spare-ribs!" Hidan gasped, unable to believe what he was seeing.

"Nn." Kakuzu grunted.

"Spare ribs!"

"Is there a problem?"

"N-no! It's just..." The silver haired man never would have expected his stingy partner to willingly buy him his favourite food. It was so out of character. "Kakuzu-chaaaan~, you really can be a nice guy sometimes can't you?"

"Tch. Just make sure you finish all of it, leaving any would be a waste of money."

"You don't need to worry about that!" Hidan grinned, digging into his meal.

The restaurant held a relaxing atmosphere, partly due to the positive mood of the usually angry zombie-duo. They spent longer than usual at the restaurant; Hidan chatting in between bites of food and Kakuzu not even pretending to listen. The Jashinist had finally run out of conversation topics, and was trying to scrape the last few scraps of food from his plate when he felt eyes on him. He looked up to see Kakuzu staring at him strangely. Hidan's eyebrow twitched and he stopped poking at his food.

"I don't believe in anything because I've never given it much thought." Kakuzu spoke slowly.

"Huh?" The change of topic had seemed to come out of nowhere.

"You asked what I believe happens after death."

"O-oh..." He had actually forgotten about the whole conversation. There were few seconds of awkward silence where Hidan finally finished the last bit of food on his plate.

"I see no reason to even contemplate death. After all, death is irrelevant to us." Kakuzu was making direct eye-contact with him when he spoke those words, and the 'us' caused a strange jolt in Hidan's stomach.

The stitched man was the first to break eye contact, stirring then taking a sip of his water. The Jashinist was slower to drop his gaze, and swallowed thickly. It was so... strange. The stitched man had shown no previous inkling of ever answering Hidan's question, but he did. Why now? Hidan's stomach twisted suddenly. Ever since he had impaled himself to save Kakuzu things had been weird. The nicer hotel, buying his favourite food, and his serious answer to Hidan's offhanded question, all happened after that event.

It suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. When his injury had caused him to pass out, somewhere, on some deep, inner level... Kakuzu had been afraid. Afraid of losing _him._ The Jashinist's fingers fidgeted on the table as Kakuzu called for the cheque.

"You're right, it doesn't make sense to worry about it." Hidan surprised himself. Usually he would have teased his partner for showing any kind of 'feelings' or 'kindness', but something about the idea now caused his stomach to twist into more knots. "I mean we're immortal, and who gives a shit what happens to anyone else?" He forced a grin and laughed. "I'm not gonna die."

Kakuzu payed the bill and the two ninja returned to their hotel room. Neither of them spoke as they got ready for bed. Kakuzu had taken out some papers and was studying them at the far side of the room when Hidan stepped out of the bathroom.

"Goodnight... I'm going to bed." The Jashinist spoke quickly, not looking in his partner's direction. He walked over to his bed, pulled back the sheets and flopped onto the soft mattress.

A few hours passed, Hidan was exhausted but couldn't sleep. He had been tossing and turning, unable to stop thinking about his partner. He currently lay facing the wall, legs wrapped around the bunched-up sheets and eyes shut tight. His tiredness was catching up to him, and his mind finally started to drift. Just as he was about to slip off he suddenly felt a touch, warm fingers brushed across his forehead and pushed back the silver hair that had fallen into his face. Despite his sleepy state, he reflexively reached up and grabbed the hand.

"Kakuzu." He whispered, not even bothering to open his eyes. The other man froze. "I said: I'm not going to die." He then slowly loosened his grip, and released his partner's hand. The stitched man was hesitant to move, but eventually retreated to his bed. The light clicked off and the room was silent, but the warmth of the touch never left them.


End file.
